Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
