apparently the secret to your success is patron
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
