my phone needs a breathalizer
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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