So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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