I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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