clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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