It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
