I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
