Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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