How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
