my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
