Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
