Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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