I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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