I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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