i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The Olympian is in my bed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
