your thong is hanging out like whoa
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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