when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
