someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
