Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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