Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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