how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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