Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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