So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
