happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
