I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
