He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Damn victory sex feels great
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
