I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize