That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
