If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
