Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
