My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
