just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize