Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
