I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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