It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a search helicopter?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
