Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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