I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
