she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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