Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
