someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
