Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I could fuck to npr.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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