Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
