I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
