you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
