my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
