Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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