the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
