I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
