If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
