Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
