Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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