If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
