so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
