drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
