I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
