the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
