you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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