I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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