note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
