you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
