wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
