I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
