We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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