The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
