I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
