that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
