do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
