p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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